The first of many

I will be dedicating this milestone, my 100th post on the subject of our wedding, to the things that I did right throughout the planning and the big day. I guess the following is a list of advice that I would give to any couple planning a wedding.

1. Stay organized. As soon as we got engaged I started accumulating all sorts of wedding things, like pictures of dresses and swatches of fabric. I wanted to stay on top of all the crap I knew I'd be collecting, so I used a big binder to keep it all in one place. That binder became my wedding brain - I took it to all of the meetings I went to so any contracts or info sheets could go into the binder right then and there. I attended a bridal show that gave out a wedding planner packet, but it would be just as easy to buy folders/dividers for each section of the wedding (attire, vendors, registries, honeymoon, etc.) so that when you need something, you know exactly where it is. I also kept extra notebook paper in the back so if I was meeting with a vendor or needed to make a list, I had a way to do it quickly. The binder was an easy way to stay organized, and I could grab it on my way out the door knowing that everything I needed was already in it, which helped avoid a lot of mad scrambles to collect things from multiple locations.

Being organized also includes things like detailed schedules and timelines. Everyone laughed and made jokes about my four-page itinerary, but I guarantee the wedding went as smoothly as it did because everyone knew exactly where they had to be and when. Vendors didn't clash because they anticipated what the other vendors were doing. Everything was on a list; everything was labeled. Here's a secret: I didn't have a wedding planner, or even a day-of coordinator. Everything at our wedding was done by friends and family, and it only came together because everyone had a specific role and list of duties.

2. Early is on time; on time is late. No matter who you are and how many promises you make to stay on top of things, you will inevitably wind up taking on more than you can chew. This could easily backfire into half a dozen projects being partially done the night before the wedding, thus inducing those bridezilla-at-2-in-the-morning fits we all see on TV. The best way to handle this is to do things early. Take those checklists you can find in any magazine and do as much as you can. Anything you can do now, do it. Anything you can't complete right away, make a rough draft. If you can't write up an order-of-ceremony until you talk to the officiant, go ahead and design the rest of the program pieces, such as acknowledgments, quotes and other blurbs. That way, when you get a chance to meet the minister, you can decide on something, plug it into you draft and send it off for final approval all in the same day. Start a running checklist that you can keep adding to when you remember new things. Create a rough timeline of the weekend so you know how much time you have to play around with when you start making final plans with vendors.

I remember looking at my to-do lists about 4 months out, wishing there were something I could be doing on that list to get it checked off. I really was at a standstill for awhile because I'd taken care of everything. I did wind up taking the week before the wedding off so I could run those last-minute errands (things that could not have been done earlier) but even then the week wasn't that hectic because my to-do list was reasonable to accomplish in the time frame given. Not everyone is so lucky to take two weeks off work like I did. If this is the case for you, imagine doing a million wedding things on top of a full week of work. Now imagine scolding yourself because so much of your stress could have been avoided by getting those things out of the way sooner. Now go do those things!!

3. Don't expect a miracle. Always anticipate that something will go wrong, and be ready to roll with it. Buffer in extra time between every activity, so if there's unusual traffic or someone forgets something at home, there's still plenty of time to get back on track. Also, be realistic in your expectations. No one can be in two places at once. No one can make cheese and crackers into a four course meal. Know your vendors, their capabilities, and their limitations. Same for your wedding party. Have a backup plan for the what-ifs. Know when to fight for things and when to let them go. Remember that the big picture isn't the wedding, but the marriage.

A week before the wedding I got an email saying our venue had double-booked us for our rehearsal and dinner. We changed the time and pushed everything back an hour. There was an air show that we didn't find out about until it was pretty much happening, which significantly increased traffic and decreased the availability of hotel rooms. Thanks to quick thinking, neither of those turned into a crisis. And because of the hotels being completely booked, our plan to use the room the girls had stayed in the night before, to do hair and makeup, was dissolved. So we moved over to my mom's hotel, which had been booked for that night as well, and wound up having more space. There was a moment in the ceremony where the music played was wrong. We forgot to bustle my dress (which I tripped on going up the altar stairs) before our first dance. The bartender didn't pour drinks into cups so there were cans everywhere. We paid for extra reception time and then cut the night short. But we got married, which was the ultimate goal, and it was still the most fabulous day of my life. Period.